Review of Short Story "Ballpark Estimate" by Peter Wallace

I found this short story in Lit eZine, an online magazine posted at the website of writer Mona Soorma.

The story, Ballpark Estimate, intrigued me with its simplicity and relatability.

Length: 5 minutes

Genre: General

"The Last Baseball Game at RFK" (pingnews)”
by pingnews.com, CC BY-SA 2.0

=General Impressions

Q. How's the hook?

A couple is on a date at a baseball game. The woman, Ellen, is clearly not a fan of baseball. The man, Bill, is a baseball fanatic.

This creates conflict right away -- one that I could personally relate to, as I have found myself struggling to find common ground with sports fans.

Q. What made me want to keep reading this short story?

I wanted to see whether Ellen and Bill would make it through their date in one piece.

How would they handle the disparity in their levels of interest in baseball? Would Ellen's disinterest be a deal-breaker for Bill? Would Bill's passion for the game turn Ellen off?

The off-beat dialogue intrigued me as well. Ellen and Bill spoke to each other as if reading from a script. This gave the entire story a quirky air.

Q. What did I think of the plot?

Carried primarily by dialogue, it's not an action-packed plot by any means. Rather, it's an episode in a couple's relationship, a glimpse at a potentially awkward situation and how they handle it.

The primary action occurs when Ellen randomly catches a fly ball. It's a bit fantastical, but it's fun to wonder what's going to happen after Ellen, the baseball noob, performs this feat.

“Baseball Texture” by Filter Forge, CC BY 2.0

Q. How was the writing style?

The style feels like it's from the late 1950s or early 1960s. In fact, I could see this story playing out as a plot in an episode of Leave it to Beaver or The Andy Griffith Show. Even the ending, though slightly risque, would be rated PG at most in a movie theater.

Q. Is the ending satisfying?

The ending satisfies in a quiet way. It's a happy ending to a story with very little conflict. Still, it's fun to see how the author decided to wrap up this cute little conversation.

Want to read "Ballpark Estimate" by Peter Wallace in Lit eZine? Here is the link one more time!

Review of Short Story "Middle Kids" by Temim Fruchter

I found this short story on Midnight Breakfast, an online literary magazine.

Length: About 25 minutes

Genre: Coming of Age

“Empty Theater” by Andrew Jackson, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

General Impressions

Q. How's the hook?

The main character, Daniela, just moved to a new school and auditioned for the Purim play.

She is emboldened by her new-kid status to try out for the lead, and she nabs it.

As a kid, I devoured Judy Blume's coming-of-age stories about school kids written in her frank, matter-of-fact voice.

This story gives Judy Blume vibes.

Q. What made me want to keep reading this short story?

The author, Temim Fruchter, expertly builds suspense by creating must-answer questions in the reader's mind.

Daniela was expelled from her previous school. Why?

The Purim play will be performed in a monster theme. Why?

Daniela is oddly fascinated by Mrs. Lubin, a dowdy English teacher and the faculty advisor for the Purim play. Why? (Perhaps it's because Mrs. Lubin has a strange physical quirk that students only speak of in hushed tones.)

Q. What did I think of the plot?

The plot follows a relatable timeline of play rehearsals and performance.

Along the way, Daniela deals with the natural obstacles faced by a kid who has changed schools as well as her own unique obstacles, such as life with her parents in the aftermath of an expulsion and the journey of preparing for the role of headstrong Vashti.

It's fun to watch Daniela grapple with these obstacles while also learning about Vashti and the Purim story.

It's also fun to speculate about the symbolism the author has chosen: A struggling female lead plays the part of Vashti. She is misunderstood by many but ultimately realizes what she must do to be fulfilled.

Q. Did I enjoy the main character?

Daniela is an absolute delight.

Like a Judy Blume character, her narrative is honest and witty. You find yourself rooting for her to succeed even though she's not perfect ... in fact, her imperfections are precisely why you care.

Q. How was the writing style?

At nearly 8,000 words, this story is too short to have chapters, but it's long enough to have demarcated scenes separated by hash marks. The scenes move quickly, advancing the plot at a pleasing pace.

“Queen Vashti: Quarrelsome and Quirky.”
by Wes Dickinson, CC BY-NC 2.0

It's admittedly longer than, say, a flash fiction piece. But the pacing is excellent, and it leads to a satisfying conclusion.

Q. Is the ending satisfying?

It's still technically a short story, but the higher word count translates to greater character development and a more suspenseful plot.

This story is worth the extra few minutes it takes to read.

Want to read "Middle Kids" by Temim Fruchter in Midnight Breakfast? Here is the link one more time!

Review of Short Story "I Would Like a Moustache" by Niall Kaye

I read this short story on 3:AM Magazine, an extremely entertaining e-zine I recently discovered and am excited to share. It's a hilarious story by Niall Kaye that I think you'll love. 

I'm looking forward to reading more of Kaye's work -- and more stories at 3:AM Magazine.

Length: 10 to 12 minutes

Genre: Humor

Stick around to read my review of "I Would Like a Moustache" by Niall Kaye. Or, go here to read the story at 3:AM Magazine, and then come back to see if we agree!

General Impressions

Q. How's the hook?

The hook is simply, "I would like a moustache..." The main character goes on to describe the absurd actions he took to gain said moustache. I adore this type of eccentric simplicity, and the question of whether he gets a moustache kept me reading until the end.

       “Mustache Envy” by 

     Hey Paul Studios, CC BY 2.0

Q. What made me want to keep reading this short story? 

It's the voice for me.

You might find yourself reading this story in a deadpan inner voice -- perhaps something like comedian Steven Wright. You might hear a jocular Rodney Dangerfield in your mind's ear. However your brain manufactures this story's voice, it's definitely catchy.

That's what kept me reading: The unique and hilarious voice (including the word choices) of the main character.

For one thing, he refers repeatedly to the other main character (whom you might consider the "antagonist") as the "newly-appointed Secretary of State for Business and Trade." 

Every. Single. Time.

"Newly-appointed Secretary of State for Business and Trade" is a mouthful, but Niall Kaye inserts the phrase 20 times, and it gets funnier each time.

Other quirky wordings abound. For example, Kaye refers to the "Global Network of Computers, Servers, and Smart Appliances" in an everyday tone -- as if anyone calls the internet that. 

"Krav Maga." 

“rowntree's randoms sweets”
by Clyde Darra, CC BY-SA 2.0

"Rowntrees Randoms." 

"Defenestration." 

If you love words, unusual ones, I think you'll love this story.

Q. What did I think of the plot?

In a story like this, plot is secondary to style. (Some say the same of Wes Anderson movies.) 

I think that's okay.

I read this story when I was feeling kinda down. I needed a pick-up, and "I Would Like a Moustache" did the job. For a blissful 10 to 12 minutes, I stopped thinking about my problems.

The plot itself is silly, but then, so is the entire story. And yet, it's magic in approximately 1,500 words. 

Q. Did I enjoy the main character?

The (nameless) main character is a caricature driven only by one desire: to get a moustache.

He might not hold my interest through an entire novel. But he'd probably hold my attention as a character on a sitcom from week to week. Rerun of Monk, anyone?

Q. How was the writing style?

The writing is smart, sometimes wordy, and always funny. 

If you're a writer who reads about writing, you will find sources on the internet that encourage you to write concisely and discourage wordiness. Generally, I agree with that. 

But in this case, wordiness builds character and comedy.

Q. Is the ending satisfying?

The ending is satisfying mostly because the writer manages to wedge in the word "defenestration." 

It's actually just one of many ways Kaye could have chosen to end the story. It's a bit more violent than I would have expected from such a dweeby character, but I'm not complaining.

Want to read "I Would Like a Moustache" by Niall Kaye in 3:AM Magazine? Here is the link one more time!

Review of Short Story "Big Girls Don't Cry * Fergie" by Adam Shaw

I found this short story on a delightful online fiction website I'd never heard of before called Major 7th Magazine. For lovers of music and online fiction, it's a fun little adventure.

This story is by Adam Shaw. Like most stories in Major 7th Magazine, Shaw's story is based on a song of the writer's choosing. In this case, the writer chose "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie.

Length: Short (3 minutes or less)

Genre: Somewhere between flash fiction and memoir, in my opinion

Stick around to read my review of "Big Girls Don't Cry * Fergie". Or, go here to read the story, and then come back to see if we agree!

General Impressions

Q. How's the hook?

Anyone who's ever been young and in love will appreciate the first sentence of this story, which basically asserts that the main character's college girlfriend broke up with him using a recording of the song "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie.

I was immediately intrigued by the promise of the backstory leading to this juvenile behavior. 

Plus, the story teleported me back to a time when I, too, gleaned extreme personal meaning from pop music. Many of us had a phase in which we framed our life experiences with music, equating various popular songs with significant social and emotional life events.

Q. What made me want to keep reading this short story?

I wanted to know why the main character's girlfriend felt the need to play this song as a backdrop for the breakup. Call me nosy, but I really wanted to know. 

I was also curious to see how the writer would incorporate the lyrics from "Big Girls Don't Cry" into the story. He did a great job of it.

And that's the beauty of Major 7th Magazine. Writers select a song on which to base their short story. Readers choose which stories to read based on the curated "song" (story) list.

Q. Did I enjoy the characters?

I enjoyed the main character who got dumped, the ex-girlfriend who orchestrated the dumping, and the wife who, for years to come, chided him whenever Fergie's song popped up. 

Of those three, I loved the wife the most, probably because of the "full-bellied" laugh she issued when she first learned about the Fergie break-up incident. It depicted her confidence in herself and her relationship as well as her playful relationship with her husband.

Q. Did I like the writing style?

The matter-of-fact college recollections are refreshing. The main character reveals what his college love relationship really was to him: a "tangle of limbs," "cheap booze," and "shitty movies." 

In one paragraph, he's crying over the end of the relationship. In the next paragraph, he and his wife (especially his wife) are highly entertained by it.

In short, I love the light sentimentality and the big humor this story delivers in four short paragraphs.

Q. Was the ending satisfying?

Toward the end of the story, the main character alludes to his wife having an oncology appointment. No further details are supplied. But the implication that the wife has (or had) cancer draws a stark contrast between the nature of his relationships before and after college.

Some readers may be disappointed that the main character does not share more information about his wife's condition. But I think there's simplicity and beauty in keeping that part a mystery.

The story ends with the main character's daughter calling him "silly" for getting lost in an old memory. 

It's not dramatic, but it's a neat way to tie things up. 

Want to read "Big Girls Don't Cry * Fergie" by Adam Shaw in Major 7th Magazine? Here is the link one more time!

Review of Short Story "Grey Power" by Anne Wilkins

 I found this short story in a daily e-zine called Every Day Fiction.

It's by Anne Wilkins, a former lawyer, and much of it takes place in a courtroom.

Length: Short (5 minutes or less)

Genre: Let's call it suspenseful comedy

Stick around to read my review of "Grey Power." Or, go here to read the story, and then come back to see if we agree!

General Impressions

Q. How's the hook?

A. The first sentence begins, "In New Zealand..." 

And I was like, "Sold!"

I've never traveled to New Zealand, but I've heard wonderful things about it. Reading a story that takes place in New Zealand is far cheaper than traveling there, especially in this economy. What's more, you can get a little of your wanderlust satisfied by reading a story set in another land. (Based on the author's bio, she is actually from New Zealand.)

The story's setting is not the only aspect that hooked me. The first paragraph dives right into the subject matter, referring to a "candy assortment" of gangs in New Zealand. 

This told me two things:

1. The writer has a clever way of combining contrasting ideas to convey a thought. "Candy" and "gang" are not words I've ever read or heard in the same sentence before.
2.  The story involves intrigue (gangs) and can teach me something I know little about (gangs).

Q. What made me want to keep reading this short story?

A. The gang leader on trial is an octogenarian named Edith. I suppose that's why I think this is a comedy. You don't see many little old ladies defending themselves in court, and you definitely don't see them calling the shots in many gangs.

Edith's dialogue with her lawyer and the judge is charming and fun. She's the grandma many of us have seen and loved in sitcoms and movies: the one who does and says what she wants and doesn't give a fig what you think.

Edit may or may not be guilty of vigilante-type crimes ... but whether she's guilty or not, she has a coterie of elderly followers ready to aid and abet her.

You wouldn't say this story is "heartwarming." But it's definitely "empowering," in a comical sort of way. 

I basically kept reading because I was rooting for Edith.

Q. Did I enjoy the character?

I liked Edith even though she's a bit of a "trope." The author painted her with fairly vivid colors but didn't overwhelm me with details. In short, yes, I enjoyed the character because the author created her with flair ... and she's not overwhelming.

In fact, I wouldn't mind seeing a little more of Edith, maybe on TV. She could be a featured guest on a show like Monk, for example. (Too bad Betty White is not around for the role ... but there must be some other Edith-like actresses out there. Maybe Dame Judi Dench? Jane Fonda?)

Q. Did I like the writing style?

A. The writing flows and is easily digestible. The writer doesn't inundate the reader with flowery language. She uses shorter sentences and artfully placed, colorful descriptions here and there.

It's perfect for a quick read while you're standing in line at the bank or sitting in your car waiting for your kid's soccer practice to end. 

One sentence in this story confused me. It occurrs pretty close to the beginning and involves the word "scarper."

I admit I read that sentence several times before understanding it. Looking up the meaning of scarper in an online dictionary helped.

Of course, my not knowing the meaning of "scarper" is a me problem, not an author problem. And I'm very glad I learned a new word. Now I'm just waiting to hear someone else use it (probably within the next week) as if they've known it their whole life. Just to remind me that I don't know everything.

Q. Was the ending satisfying?

A. This is the kind of story where you find yourself rooting for the "bad guy." And while you're rooting, you're also snickering, because Edith is pretty dang funny.

The story could have ended a few other ways. I may have been satisfied with those endings, too. But as it is, I'm glad the writer chose a happy ending. It was appropriate for a comical, caricature-esque nature of this quick story.

Want to read "Grey Power" by Anne Wilkins in Every Day Fiction? Here is the link one more time!

Review of Short Story "Ms. Pac-Man in the Maze" by Sarah Chin

I found this short story on the flash-narrative e-zine SmokeLong Quarterly.

SmokeLong Quarterly has been around since 2003. According to its "Who We Are" page, the name "SmokeLong Quarterly" derives from the notion that reading one piece takes about as much time as it does to smoke a cigarette.

The author is Sarah Chin.

Length: Very Short (5 minutes or less)

Stick around to read my story review. Or, go here to read the story -- and then come back to see if we agree!

General Impressions

Review of Short Story "Wife's New Slow Cooker" by Christian Weir

 I found this short story at the e-zine flashfictionmagazine.com.

The author of this funny piece is Christian Weir.

Length: Short (a 5-minute read)

Genre: Humor

Stick around to read my review. Or, go here to read the story (and then come back to see if we agree!).

General Impressions

This story had me wondering for a hot second whose side the author was on: Phil (husband) or Wife (she apparently doesn't have a name). In the end, I realized the author and I were on the same team, and I loved the story!

Review of Short Story "Schrӧdinger Can’t Save My Grandmother" by Michelle Koubek

 Welcome to my first short story review at Online Fiction Review! I found this story on the e-zine Allegory.

The author of this fun online fiction piece is Michelle Koubek. 

Length: Short (a 5-minute read)

Genre: Speculative fiction

Stick around to read my review. Or, go here to read the story (and then come back to read my review to see if you agree!).

General Impressions 

This imaginative story held my interest throughout. The author created suspense while showcasing the backstory and developing an interesting main character.