Review of Short Story "Ms. Pac-Man in the Maze" by Sarah Chin

I found this short story on the flash-narrative e-zine SmokeLong Quarterly.

SmokeLong Quarterly has been around since 2003. According to its "Who We Are" page, the name "SmokeLong Quarterly" derives from the notion that reading one piece takes about as much time as it does to smoke a cigarette.

The author is Sarah Chin.

Length: Very Short (5 minutes or less)

Stick around to read my story review. Or, go here to read the story -- and then come back to see if we agree!

General Impressions

Q. How's the hook?

A. The hook is not dramatic, but it was enough to pique my curiosity. It's immediately clear that the main character, Shannon, is a tween or teen. I love young adult and coming-of-age stories, so the hook reeled me in.

In Paragraph One, we see a young girl gazing at the inactive screen of a video game. The girl, Shannon, studies "glowing red" numbers on a VCR as they display the time, 11:11. She thinks to herself, "I should make a wish."

Q. What made me want to keep reading this short story?

A. Shannon's wish is for her mother to pick her up on time from Auntie June's place. A nosy reader, I immediately wanted to inspect the character's dirty laundry. Was Shannon's mother negligent? Abusive? Physically ill? Mentally ill? Maybe just a jerk?

As the story progresses, Aunt June asks Shannon a morbid question while puffing on a cigarette. It's a morose downer of a question, but I wanted to hear Shannon's answer. I also wanted to know why Auntie June would ask such a question in the first place.

Q. Did I enjoy the characters?

A. The story was too short for me invest strongly in Shannon and Aunt June. In my opinion, that's acceptable for a flash fiction piece. This is a super-short story that sets a scene and creates a mood. The author seems more interested in portraying a moment in time than developing an in-depth plot and deep characters.

That's not to say the characters don't have substance. For example, Auntie June is someone who "never rushes anything." She even peels potatoes slowly. I was particularly riveted by one aspect of Auntie's personality: In a flashback, the reader learns that she welcomed her ex ("Uncle Kevin") and his "new girlfriend" to her Thanksgiving table for a meal. What's more, during that Thanksgiving gathering, the girlfriend spills Merlot on June's carpet -- and the carpet is arguably one of the "characters" of this story.

Readers will feel validated by an emotion Shannon experiences during the story -- dread at the thought of Aunt June might someday not be here. Fear of losing a loved one is an experience that resonates with most people, and I appreciated the way the writer used this vignette to explore this common fear.

Q. How's the writing style?

A. With simplicity and grace, the author describes the setting, June's behaviors, and Shannon's thoughts. Symbolism is deftly integrated in the writing. For example, toward the end of the story, a red brake light briefly illuminates June's face, then disappears, leaving both characters "in the dark," perhaps mirroring some of the dark emotions felt by Shannon.

I enjoyed this descriptive, melancholy, sentimental glance at a relationship between two family members who are not parent and child. I found it to be a lot like looking at a painting. There are no mad action scenes or zany plot twists, but when you look beyond the surface, you see that this picture really is worth (about) 1,000 words.