Friday, August 8, 2025

Review of Short Story "I Would Like a Moustache" by Niall Kaye


I read this short story on 3:AM Magazine, an extremely entertaining e-zine I recently discovered and am excited to share. It's a hilarious story by Niall Kaye that I think you'll love. 

I'm looking forward to reading more of Kaye's work -- and more stories at 3:AM Magazine.

Length: 10 to 12 minutes

Genre: Humor

Stick around to read my review of "I Would Like a Moustache" by Niall Kaye. Or, go here to read the story at 3:AM Magazine, and then come back to see if we agree!

General Impressions


Q. How's the hook?


The hook is simply, "I would like a moustache..." The main character goes on to describe the absurd actions he took to gain said moustache. I adore this type of eccentric simplicity, and the question of whether he gets a moustache kept me reading until the end.

needlepoint of blue mustache on white canvas

       Mustache Envy” by 

     Hey Paul Studios, CC BY 2.0


Q. What made me want to keep reading this short story? 


It's the voice for me.

You might find yourself reading this story in a deadpan inner voice -- perhaps something like comedian Steven Wright. You might hear a jocular Rodney Dangerfield in your mind's ear. However your brain manufactures this story's voice, it's definitely catchy.

That's what kept me reading: The unique and hilarious voice (including the word choices) of the main character.

For one thing, he refers repeatedly to the other main character (whom you might consider the "antagonist") as the "newly-appointed Secretary of State for Business and Trade." 

Every. Single. Time.

"Newly-appointed Secretary of State for Business and Trade" is a mouthful, but Niall Kaye inserts the phrase 20 times, and it gets funnier each time.

Other quirky wordings abound. For example, Kaye refers to the "Global Network of Computers, Servers, and Smart Appliances" in an everyday tone -- as if anyone calls the internet that. 

"Krav Maga." 
"Rowntrees Randoms." 

"Defenestration." 

If you love words, unusual ones, I think you'll love this story.

Q. What did I think of the plot?


In a story like this, plot is secondary to style. (Some say the same of Wes Anderson movies.) 

I think that's okay.

I read this story when I was feeling kinda down. I needed a pick-up, and "I Would Like a Moustache" did the job. For a blissful 10 to 12 minutes, I stopped thinking about my problems.

The plot itself is silly, but then, so is the entire story. And yet, it's magic in approximately 1,500 words. 

Q. Did I enjoy the main character?


The (nameless) main character is a caricature driven only by one desire: to get a moustache.

He might not hold my interest through an entire novel. But he'd probably hold my attention as a character on a sitcom from week to week. Rerun of Monk, anyone?

Q. How was the writing style?


The writing is smart, sometimes wordy, and always funny. 

If you're a writer who reads about writing, you will find sources on the internet that encourage you to write concisely and discourage wordiness. Generally, I agree with that. 

But in this case, wordiness builds character and comedy.

Q. Is the ending satisfying?


The ending is satisfying mostly because the writer manages to wedge in the word "defenestration." 

It's actually just one of many ways Kaye could have chosen to end the story. It's a bit more violent than I would have expected from such a dweeby character, but I'm not complaining.

Want to read "I Would Like a Moustache" by Niall Kaye in 3:AM Magazine? Here is the link one more time!

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